I took photos of Alena in January 2019. She sent me the text in 2020.
I can think of so many stories in regards to my relationship with my body. Some sad, some happy, but I believe the most important thing has been that we are companions. It took me a while to not think of my body as an enemy: too skinny, too easy to get sick… therefore very used to use different types of medication, etc.
When I arrived in Germany, me and my body, we have begun our journey and I discovered, that I have a sensitive friend.
Sometimes we get mad at each other, but usually we communicate. I know for sure that my outside is the reflection of my inside. I can feel it in every posture and the energy that comes from my body, sometimes strength, sometimes fragility. If I listen carefully, I sense we are really connected and that connection established signals that now I use to know myself better.
I took photos of Andrea in April 2019. She sent me the text in 2020.
From a young age, women are taught to mistrust their self-esteem. There are countless ways that society accomplishes this goal but the main offender is the beauty industry. The message from these images is clear: “You should not love yourself unless you look like ____.” It is an incredibly toxic relationship to have with one’s body but it’s unfortunately how I have felt for years. As a teenager, I was mature-looking beyond my years and had a body that everyone wanted to monetize. Strangers, family, friends, all anyone could ever say to compliment me was, “You are so beautiful, you should be a model”.
Although it was exactly what teenage me wanted to hear, it was a slow-moving poison- beauty became the only thing I measured my self-worth by and the only thing that mattered as a result. Forget all of my other qualities as a human being, this was the most important. As I aged, my body developed health problems. I began hating myself because I no longer received as much attention for my looks.
I have been on this planet almost three decades and the most valuable lesson I have learned is that beauty has nothing to do with my worth. It’s something I still struggle with to this day but I am more confident and at-peace with my body now than I ever was when society saw my body as “at its best”.
MY STORY: It took me a long time to accept the way I look. I remember waking up and wishing I could see someone else in the mirror – I didn’t have a specific image I wanted, just something else, different. And of course, as probably any woman in the world, I used to dissect my body in my mind dividing between the ones I accept and would like to change immediately.
MY BREASTS was the hardest part for me to accept. I felt like I was only half-woman since my breasts are so small. I also didn’t fit in the skinny girl figure type, as my hips have grown quite a lot during puberty. For quite some time as a teenager I was hoping my breasts would catch up – never happened. Years and years I felt awkward when I had to switch clothes in changing room at a gym, avoided going to the beach, wearing spaghetti strap tops and anything that would bring attention to this part of my body. I felt comfortable wearing push-ups only, but then I was always afraid of the moment it will be obvious that my breasts are smaller than my cup size.
And then I met a person that showed me how to love them. To not expect perfection from them and appreciate them for what they are. Suddenly I discovered that there are actually some advantages of having small breasts, like being able to not wear a bra at all and still feeling comfortable. I started laughing that they are just concentrated type – take less space but have everything they need to make me happy.
I’m so grateful for the body-positive movement, I hope the next generations of girls (boys, transgender people) will never have to doubt their bodies. They give us so much pleasure, LOVE THEM TODAY, TOMORROW AND ALWAYS.
